Lately i don t even recognize myself it s probably the pills that are
2.5K views・
2 weeks ago
artemthename
Lately I don t even recognize myself It s probably the pills that are really affecting me On one hand I feel more stable in my thoughts and emotions but at the same time it s like I m dreaming when I try to look back at what happened a month ago Speaking of memory it s gotten worse Or maybe it s just that over time it gets harder to find new emotions that truly impress me and stick in my mind It feels like there s a lot of repetition although to be fair my life isn t repetitive at all Every day I seem to look for something new music unusual YouTube content from actor interviews to new console games even though I don t play I watch videos about them I watch videos about architecture clips from random pawnshop shows or a ton of basketball videos This wide range of interests seems to keep expanding I guess I m just very dependent on new strong emotions and on learning things I find cool As I write this post I have music playing in the background and I decided to start a Twitch stream just filming myself at the computer while listening to music and talking about it Right now I ve got one viewer who s been watching for an hour without saying a word But even this small step gives me new emotions and I m chasing that feeling of reaching for something Honestly my activity here is also connected to this and I won t lie I want to make money doing this I feel like I have so many skills I ve worked for many people created a lot and can talk about hundreds of topics In dozens of those I have personal experience But I m also a weird person I don t have a direct drive to chase money I don t rush after it at all I just want to earn what I deserve based on what I can offer Sure in my head I dream of making lots of money but I don t really do much about it Even though every day I m busy with work sports and learning something new I m still living in debt I ve always been drawn to the idea that you can make money just by being yourself After all there are so many bloggers out there who get paid just for existing I don t want to work with my hands anymore or take responsibility for others at work I don t want to organize opportunities for others to make money Sure helping people sometimes gives me mental satisfaction but I often find myself working harder for others than for myself I want them to succeed and earn more knowing that it will also grow my income But over time I ve noticed that they end up making more money from our work than I do I don t think I m lazy I just don t feel like doing something serious anymore What I want is to build a home music setup go back to being a composer focus on sports get better at basketball eat delicious food and dress well It sounds selfish especially if I had told myself these thoughts a year and a half ago before I started taking pills Back then I would ve called myself an idiot because to make money you have to work hard But now I know deep inside that I don t owe anything to anyone I can just receive Is that arrogance I don t think so anymore But my thoughts also heavily depend on my mood So today I m just sharing them Oh and another thing I ve realized here on OnlyFans it s better not to pressure people to buy content I used to think I was so great that everyone would just rush to support me and throw money my way because of my good looks But that s not how it works So maybe I should ease off the push to sell and just let things flow naturally If you re curious about me and what I do come hang out on my Twitch stream twitch tv metra2k I m usually there listening to music talking and just sharing pieces of my day