From shadows to spotlight my journey to living as alexandra 24 7 it s part 1
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alexandratrans
From Shadows to Spotlight My Journey to Living as Alexandra 24 7 It s hard to believe it s been a year since I stopped pretending March 2024 was when I finally said Enough this is who I am and stepped into life as Alexandra full-time No more half-measures no more hiding Just me a trans woman 24 7 But getting here That was a long winding road one that started with a scared insecure gay who didn t even know trans was a word that could fit me Pull up a chair I ll tell you how it all unfolded I was 14 when I first realized I wasn t like the other boys Growing up in a small town I didn t have the language for it just this gnawing feeling that I was different I liked men sure but it was more than that I d catch myself staring at feminine clothes in magazines I d sneak into my mom s closet when no one was home slipping on her heels or a scarf heart pounding like I was committing a crime Back then I thought it was just a weird phase I was a gay right That s what I told myself But the mirror kept whispering something else I came out as gay at 16 thinking it d solve everything It didn t Sure I could date guys but that itch the one that made me dream of lipstick and skirts wouldn t go away I felt like a fraud like I was failing at being gay because I wasn t just gay I didn t know what I was The crossdressing became much more serious in my early 20s I d moved to the city by then far from the small-town eyes that always seemed to judge me Online I found forums secret little corners of the internet where people like me swapped stories and tips I bought my first wig a cheap blonde thing that shed like a cat and a thrift-store dress that fit me like a dream The first time I saw her in the mirror me but softer truer I cried Not sad tears but the kind that come when you ve been holding your breath for years and finally let it out I called her Alexandra and she became my escape For years that s how it went Alexandra by night the old me by day I d dress up in private sometimes venturing out to drag nights or queer bars where I felt safe I got good at it makeup heels the walk People started noticing You re stunning they d say and I d glow but then I d go home wipe it all off and feel emptier than before Crossdressing was my refuge but it wasn t enough I wasn t playing a character I was hiding the real me The turning point came in late 2023 I d spent years reading about trans women watching their videos lurking in their spaces The word transgender had been circling me like a moth around a flame but I was terrified to touch it What if I transitioned and regretted it What if I lost everyone But then I asked myself What if I didn t transition and regretted that instead That hit harder March 2024 was when I made the decision I couldn t keep splitting myself in two anymore I came out finally Some cheered some drifted away I changed my name legally tossed the masculine clothes and dove in No more crossdressing as an escape this was me 24 7 Alexandra Erichsen AKA Alexandra Braces Star trans woman loud and proud It hasn t been all glitter and roses There are days I still catch that insecure person the mirror whispering doubts But then I look at where I am confidence I never knew I had a life that feels like mine and I know I made the right call This journey wasn t linear it was messy jagged full of detours From that confused gay to the crossdresser sneaking moments of truth to the trans woman I am now it s been a fight to claim myself And damn it feels good to win Here s to a year of being me and all the years ahead Best nbsp Alexandra